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Dear reads and people of the world wide interweb,
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Happy Holidays!!!
(Found on Pinterest)
Dear Readers/Followers/Friends,
I'm writing this post for you guys,well because It seems like I haven't blogged in a while and also because for some reason,I can't seem to get my self on a blogging schedule (which I need to do.)
However,the main reason why,I am writing to you guys is to let you know that,I would love to wish you all a happy Holiday season this year.I know that holiday shopping can be successful,and holidays can be stressful in general for some people but just remember that at the end of the day,It's not about presents and materialistic items,it's about Friends,Family, Love and Laughter (a lot of laughter.) Remember to let your loved ones know that you love and care for them (because nobody is promised another day on earth and to just enjoy being surrounded with people that you love the most.) So with that being said,Merry Christmas,Happy Hanukkah,Kwanzaa,and Ramadan,and any others that I may have forgotten.
Love,Calin
My anxiety.
Dear Friends,
My anxiety has been getting worse,and worse.I can feel it just ,sucking all of the little bit of energy that I have left out.I swear living with a General Anxiety Disorder is like living in a place where your criticized about everything by everyone although,a lot of people do that anyway.To me anxiety feels like taking a huge step but at the same time not falling.Like,drowning but without an anchor to keep you from sinking to the bottom and the bad thing about it is,nobody cares.Like being homesick for a place that isn't home.My anxiety is triggered by worry.Worry that something isn't right,that something is out of place,that someone won't love me back,that my English paper isn't perfect.That the books on my shelf at home aren't in alphabetical order like,I like them or that my bed isn't made,or that my library books are a day late.Little things that most people would never care or think about,People with an Anxiety disorder care to much and think way to much about.It's like it's never ending to,like you just criticize yourself.You nit pick at every little bitty thing that you possibly could think of.It's so hard living with Anxiety because you never know when it will end or if it will ever end.you just want to be okay,I want to be okay,I will be okay.
My Prince Charming.- AMWF edition.
(Picture found on Pinterest)
Dear Friends,
I've been thinking a lot lately and I've been thinking about love.Ever since I was little,I've always dreamed about wearing this beautiful white dress,and getting married to the man of my dreams.Which also had me thinking a lot about,The man of my "dreams".In every fairy tale,the men are always the same.Tall,light hair with dreamy eyes,besides Shang,He was tall and a very well handsome and drawn out cartoon prince but he was different than every other prince and in all of the correct ways.Which had me thinking,I don't want just a regular guy,that looks like he just walked out of a Fairy tale or a Calvin Klein ad.I personally feel like,Society tells us,"Don't date Asian men because of this,this and this.","However,what is the actual reason why ?? Since when and how,did the Asian male instantly become for some reason unattractive,rather than a white male ?? Is it because they're"Nerdy and Watch anime."Although my self would personally consider that a stereotype.Or is because of the penis stereotype?? That to me is a definite stereotype.Personally to me,as a white female.female. I've always been attracted to Asian men,from the time that I was like 6 years old,I've always like Asian boys.After growing up and also listening to people around give me dirty faces and saying Eww,"Their P***s is small." I have learned to say,"Why are you worried about his p**** anyway,it's not like your sucking it?" With the very frequent,"Fuck off,or Shut the fuck up." It can be quite annoying and when I was around the ages of 11-16,I tried to hide the fact that I like Asian boys,so I can fit in with my "Friends".Although,now that I am growing and maturing,I don't care.I don't care about what people say,or think.Let them think and say what they would like to,I am attracted to whom,I am attracted to and I will love,whoever I want to love.One day when I walk down the aisle,of my church and wear my fancy white dress that resembles Grace Kelley,and look up and see the man of my dreams,he will be more than likely be Asian.He will be the most handsome man that I've ever laid my eyes on and my best friend as well.Someday,I will be able to wake up in the morning,in my husbands t-shirt and make him breakfast while,I dance and sing around in the kitchen to The Rolling Stones and I will be able to travel the world with someone for the rest of my life for ever and ever,and I can't wait for those years to come.
P.S., We'll be the cutest couple at Starbucks someday.
My Anxiety
September,30th 2015
Dear Readers,
I'm sorry that I've been away for a while,It's been getting worse.My worry,My frustration.My problems,They've been getting worse.I look at the world in hope that someday,It will be okay,Someday I won't have to worry about everything and someday,everything will be relaxed and calm but,Then I look at them.They get worse,They all get worse.Rather it's love problems or health problems,Nothing seems to ever get better,It's like a roller coaster once your down the hill and you thing that everything is okay and then before you know it,your up that hill gain just waiting for it to get off of it's highest peak,and you try to breathe and relax and it's not helping.My anxiety,it's getting worse,which is also why I haven't blogged in a while,I'm sorry,I'm sorry for leaving you and I want you to know that It's okay,I'm okay,and that I'm going to try to make this a better blog,I promise,just give me a little time.
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